Questions

Why and how do we measure abstract things? Like time? What is it exactly we call time? Why does it pass so quickly or so slow sometimes? How about love? What is love? What is it exactly that causes the chemical reactions and neural activity in our brains? Is it love that causes the reactions or rather the reactions that cause the love? A lot of questions cross my mind. Today a friend called me up from the states. She asked if I got my room furnished yet or if it still remained the same. How about straightening my hair for a change? I had to laugh about this. I hardly had the time to think about any of this. Why don't I care if I slept on the floor or if my hair was straight or in curls or waves? Have I stopped caring about anything? Too much time passed? What is it about time we all understand but none grasps? It feels like we invented something we call time so we can have a pattern for it. What if time never ended, what if time never began? Why does human kind have this urge to rationalize everything? What is chemistry or what we do call attraction? Is it an instinct to save the species or is it the desire to grow and live in a touch? To forget everything for a moment (in time)? What is desire? Where does it begin where does it end? Is it the urge to live in a community (family) that gives us shelter or is it love for the sake of loving any(one)thing? What is common sense? What is it about the truth that we all seek? No matter, how ugly it is. And why is it, when we find out about an ugly truth, we sometimes need to fight it because it doesn't seem to fit in? What happens then to the life concept we had for ourselves? What is real? Is reality real? Or can a reality split into fragments by the power of a vision? What if a vision comes true? Does the possible reality of it scare me? What if it makes me happy? Pure happiness? Can something intense, concentrated, magnetic be actually tangible? Suitable to face life? Can it stand fighting against the more dangerous bully: daily routine? How do we preserve love? Can a flame that lights up fast stay alive for a long time? What is wrong with slow and slow transformation? What is the difference between comfortable affection and habit and security and true love? What is better? What fits the best? What is fast? What is wild? Can a wild fire be stable? Is wild even meant to be stable? Is it only experience? Or why is stable the standard? And not the moment that changes our lives? No matter how trivial it might be? Does time exist so the planet can rotate or is the actual rotation responsible for time? Why do people wait for life to begin instead of living it? What about the beauty in little things? Do we just try to manage our miserable insignificant lives by marking every passing motion and moment? Until we see the sun (light) again? What makes today different from tomorrow? Why do we pay money for clean water and a meal while breathing and excreting is for free? Imagine we were all one gender. Would that actually mean we would be finally equal? And free? No role playing? No negative or positive stereotypes? How would reproduction work? What was God thinking when he created us? Why is he so silent sometimes? Why do I feel so close to him without prayer? And why so far sometimes, when I pray? Will I remember a single word of the things I say? Is it even important? Is trying to figure things out arrogance? As though any of this would matter in and after a life to insignficant. 

He said, never let the truth upset you. So if the truth should not upset me. If truth is a constant. Such as change. Thus is death the only truth we know in this life. The only reality we all know. Will I meet him again, him that I lost to the ground? Will we speak? Will I ask? Will he answer? Will he be light? Will he remember me? Will I remember him? Or the truth he tried to teach me? Is he memory or real? Why is he gone but sometimes so near whispering into my ear. Never let the truth upset you. I say, what is the truth? He smiles.

The truth is, I have only slept 4 of the last 72 hours. The truth is. I am too tired to activate rationality - and that I must sleep.